i cried in my bagel this morning.

I'm hoping you'll allow me this hopeless moment and let me vent a bit.
We're bummed. There is no quick and easy fix for our situation and that just blows. It blows that what we want to do with our lives is so hopeful and that we can feel so hopeless right now. The timing blows. It's Spring and we should be on a farm doing stuff. Sure we could find the perfect situation soon and get right into it, but we've already lost so much time. It's hard to imagine getting settled anywhere in time to participate in the 2010 season. bah.
I'll tell you what else blows. A married couple going through something like this is not easy. I know this is true with all kinds of emotional trauma and that ours cannot begin to compare with most. Each person is feeling their own pain and frustration making it hard to think of anything else. Or anyone else. Even their partner who is going through the very same thing. That makes for 2 very sad and lonely people. We need to take better care of each other. Especially now.
I cried in my bagel this morning and it made me think. See, there is still a lot I leave out of this blog because it's so public and because it's sort of a 'farm blog' which means it's not really about me. I'm always proofreading my posts thinking, "What would one of our customers think?" or "Would this make me think twice about letting these people raise my food?" But, you know what? We're real human beings and we're going through something very real here. We're trying to achieve something and it's a struggle and I want to share all of the feelings that go along with it, not just the upbeat and happy ones.
Don't get me wrong, folks. All is not lost as we do have options. They're just very different from what we had planned and yes, I know, different is not always bad. It's just different. Is it crazy to think that after 2 years of farming we could have our own farm? Absolutely. So how can we find a way to continue gaining experience on a farm and to try out some ideas while having the very basics, like an income and a roof over our heads? Well, that's our mission.
Thanks for listening. Coming soon....what exactly do we want? Well, I'll try to spell it out in a post in hopes that the universe can better hear our request loud and clear.