to zander ~ love, mama

Zander,

A year ago today, you came into my life, changing it forever. You made me a mama. You were even more beautiful than I ever imagined and I felt like I'd known you all my life.

There were days that were challenging and days I wasn't sure if I could do it. But we got to know each other and figured it all out. Thank you for being so patient.

I dreamed of a home birth and you taught me that your birth was about you and not about me. Right out of the gate, you showed us that you were in charge and that you wanted to do things your way. Your birth was not what I had imagined and I felt defeated. It's been a year and your love has helped heal that wound. I know now that none of it mattered and I'm proud of you and proud of the way you entered this world. Here's your birth story. I want you to read it someday.

You're smart, you're funny and you have the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. I wonder if you'll ever know how happy you make people when you smile at them. It's the best feeling in the world. You are an old soul and I know you've been here before. You're here to teach and we're here to learn.

You make me a better person, Zander Gray. Your daddy and I love you more than you'll ever know. We never knew how much we needed you in our lives. Happy First Birthday!!

love,
mama

photo by Andy Johanson